


If You Love Me

by radglow



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Flower Shop, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Developing Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Homestuck - Freeform, Homestuck AU, Humanstuck, M/M, Mild Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-22
Updated: 2014-11-25
Packaged: 2018-02-14 06:03:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2180724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radglow/pseuds/radglow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Dave Strider, and you work at the flower shop on the corner of 6th and Merriview. </p><p>Alternatively, your name is John Egbert and there is a really cute worker at that flower shop on 6th and Merriview.</p><p>--<br/><a href="http://8tracks.com/raddestfennec/if-you-love-me#smart_id=dj:11801939">Now with 8tracks!</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Where it Ends and Where it Starts

**Author's Note:**

> If you love me if you love love love me  
> Plant a rose for me  
> And if you'll love me for a long long time  
> Plant an apple tree  
> So whether I stay  
> Or whether I go  
> You'll have an apple and you'll have a rose  
> So if you love me if you love love love me  
> Plant a rose for me

Your name is Dave Strider and you are crying. You are a grown-ass man in his late twenties, and you can count the amount of times you've cried on your fingers. Yet, here you are. Well gosh golly gee mister it looks like you can put up another finger because- yeah y'know what, this one got away from you, you don't even know where you were going with that. Whatever. Point is, you're crying, and there is most definitely a long-winded explanation for that involving a lot of pointless metaphors and the use of unhealthy defensive mechanisms you’ve been adapting from your Bro since you were thirteen, but you're not up for any of that right now.

Let's talk about the now, and then maybe we can start from the beginning? Yeah, you like that idea.

Currently, aside from your aforementioned crying, you are sitting on your ancient, floral-patterned couch. You are kind of hunched over, with your elbows on your knees and your eyes trained on your sock-covered feet like they just descended from planet Whyinthefuck and announced they were your long-lost cousin, or whatever. Usually you wear shades, but right now you don't need them. It's dim in your living room, because the power went out a bit ago. The thunder and lightning are kind of nice anyway, you think.

You feel kind of bad for your garden outside. Like, yeah, I'm sure they appreciate the rain and shit after your kind of not paying much attention to their botanical needs, but it's coming down pretty hard, you can only imagine the kind of beating your rose bushes are taking. You cringe a bit at the thought, but at least you've stopped moping long enough to think about something other than yourself for two seconds. And then you almost cry again, because dammit let's not think about that. Your eyes sting, you should stop soon.

You think you’re ready to share your story now.

-

Your name is John Egbert, and you have no clue how describe your current emotions without using temperatures, textures, colors, and other words that aren’t actually emotions but are, you think, most definitely feelings you feel when walking by the flower shop on 6th street. The worst part is, you don’t even like flowers that much! You mean, you like them, who doesn’t like flowers, but you’re no botanist, you don’t even remember the last time you had a houseplant. (Unless you count your cactus Casey, which you most certainly do not, as much as you love her.)

Anyway, you’re getting ahead of yourself. Point is, there’s this flower shop -Becquerel’s Bouquets- and it’s on the corner of 6th and Merriview. It’s not too fancy a place, but it is nice for being as small as it is. A good word for it would be ‘snazzy’, or maybe ‘spiffy’. Something like that. It’s name is painted in gold cursive on the front window, and the sign that sticks out over the sidewalk, whatever those are called, is bright green with ‘BB’ written in that same shade of gold, and a little pink flower in the bottom right corner. The whole place seems to be based around pastel shades of pink and blue and green. You’d even go as far as to say the place is downright cute!

Okay, enough about the shop itself, why do you get feelings when you pass it? Why is it of any significance compared to all the other shops around?

Well, for one thing, this store is fairly new! And it is on your way home from work. You like to walk to and from work, because you barely get outside as it is, and you don’t want to see yourself in a few years developing some form of health issue from all the cakes your dad funnels down your throat all year. So of course you’re going to notice a new shop on your routine walk, especially a snazzy one like this.

Except by ‘fairly new’ you mean it’s been here for a year and a half. And by ‘routine walk’ you mean the shop’s kind of out of your way.

Okay, so maybe you kind of go out of your way to make it seem like you have perfectly good reasonable adult reasons for this schoolgirl tomfoolery. If you’re being honest with yourself, you just really like the employees there, and you’ve been trying to weasel your way into their friend group for a while now.

What? They’re all really nice and interesting people! Whenever you do go inside, it’s like those old-fashioned candy shops you see in movies where the kids sit at the bar and some happy person talks to them about their issues, gives them a few extra jawbreakers for their troubles. Like a real bartender, but happier! It’s nice.

Jade, the owner, is a very silly lady! She’s big-hearted and has high spirits, but boy can she curse like a sailor! You like her a lot. Apparently she named the shop after her dog or something. You think he is dead because she looked a little sad talking about it. You didn’t ask her about it anymore after that.

Karkat is the regular cashier. He’s grumpy, and you have no clue what he’s doing working in a flower shop! But despite being such a crabapple, he’s a good guy. He’s a lot friendlier after the customers have gone. You can tell he really cares about his friends, like you do. You guys also have similar tastes in movies, and it’s something the both of you bond over.

Tavros and Nepeta are really nice too! You haven’t had the chance to talk with them much, mainly because they’re usually out delivering. Tavros kind of gets on your nerves sometimes because he worries about things he shouldn’t, but he means well and all. Nepeta reminds you of Jade kind of, because she is also silly. Nepeta likes puns more than Jade does though. They are sort of like comparing cats and dogs!

And then, well. And then there’s Dave.

 


	2. The Next Natural Step Into Broship

Your name is Dave Strider and you hate sweeping floors. It is boring and bad for your back, you swear to god when you’re thirty-five and you have about a billion back problems you’ll sue the fuck out of this place for years of abuse on your poor, calcium-starved bones. Or, you would, if the owner of the damn place wasn’t one of your best friends. And if you weren’t afraid she’d shoot you if she caught you whining about your fuckin’ back again. So here you are, sweeping fallen leaves and other various plant shit from the floor of her flower shop.

Okay, admittedly, it isn’t all that bad. For playing such a small part in her business here, you could totally be making way less cash than you do. But you swear Jade has some sort of voodoo jujus or whatever surrounding her shop, because business is pretty constant all year through, even after Valentine’s Day is long over. It’s the same way with her workers- once you’re hired, you’re never getting out. Unless you quit of course, but you’re pretty sure this is the best job any of you have ever had, so you all make excuses for yourselves to stick around.

Your job here at BB is resident bitch boy. Want coffee? Sure, Karkat, whatever you say, Karkat. The floors need sweeping? Well goodness Jade, they certainly do, I’ll get right fucking on that. Oh shit! Water for the flowers on rack 3? You’re right Tav, they were lookin’ a bit parched. Damn Nepeta, you have a fuckin’ point, there aren’t enough bows at all!!! Let me just make like 300 more of those ass-ticklers. (If you’re honest with yourself, you actually really like making florist’s bows. It’s really repetitive and relaxing and everyone shuts right the fuck up if you’re doing something that requires more of your focus than half-assedly moving your arms back and forth.) Point is, the job is taxing on your patience, which wasn’t that grand to begin with.

So when John comes in and starts breathing down your neck, you’re about ready to throw a tantrum.

-

Your name is John Egbert, and you decided to actually pop into Bec’s today, instead of just walk by. You figure if you’ve been thinking about these guys so much, it must be time to pay them a visit. You wave to Karkat and give him a smile, but he’s dealing with a customer right now, so he just twitches his eyebrow in response. You think it’s in response, anyway. He may just be mad at the customer.

You take a quick glance around, noticing that Nepeta and Tavros aren’t around, and neither is Jade apparently. (You really don’t know with her, she seems to disappear and reappear all the time. Is there a studio upstairs? Does she live there? Is there even an upstairs? You just do not know.) You do however, spot Dave near the back of the shop. God, is he sweeping? He sure is doing a piss-poor job of it!

You tell him as much.

He doesn’t appreciate it.

Actually, he looks about ready to throw a tantrum! His breathing starts getting heavy like he’s trying to calm himself down or something, and his ears get pink. It’s completely hilarious. You try and fail to hold back a chuckle.

Uh-oh, that looks like it set him off!

“John I swear to fucking god that one of these days. One of these days. You will find yourself at the sharp end of my sword and that’ll be it man, you’ll be done for,” he says. He’s pinching the bridge of his nose, with his fingers under his shades, but his voice betrays his actions. He actually sounds like he’s been looking for a distraction from his task, and you suppose you’re as welcome a distraction as any.

You chuckle again. “Yeah okay, whatever dude. I know that you hate sweeping anyways! Jade tells me about how you bitch about it all the time. It’s sad dude. We laugh about that behind your back. You are sad.”

“Man what the fuck ever, if you’re so much better why don’t you do it, huh?”

“Because I have a real job, Dave.”

“Oh right right, I completely forgot, answering phones and printing papers is way above sweeping floors and making bows, apologies for my ignorance.”

“At least I can do my job, dude!” You laugh, and he eases up. He leans on the broom and you pretend not to notice how he almost fell because the bristly end slid out because he didn’t have it close enough to him at first. You think you’ve done enough damage to his ego today. (Probably not.)

“Are you implying I can’t do my job? Dude, tell that to the thousands of beautiful fuckin’ bows I’ve lovingly and painstakingly tied over the past year-and-a-half.”

“Oh I already did that, their mangled, deformed bodies agreed with me in whole.”

“Oh fuck off.”

 

-

 

Your name is Dave Strider, and maybe it’s the gratitude for a break talking, but you like talking to John. He’s kind of an asshole, but so are you, and luckily you’re each the kind of asshole who laughs at other people being assholes. Your banter is natural and comfortable. You’re pretty sure that if you guys had the chance to hang out more, the both of you could be friends. Like you need any more of those. You probably should have stopped at Jade. Karkat is probably even more of an asshole than you are, and that’s saying something.

Alright, time for some quick thinking, Strider. You like talking to this guy. You see him all the time, he stops in the shop about twice a week, has been since the place opened. You wanna be friends with this guy and he obviously wants to be friends with you. What is the next natural step into broship?

“So anyway, Dave, I was gonna… Dude, are you even listening?”

Oh, right. Conversation is a thing you were having.

“What? Yeah dude of course I’m listening. I am fucking vigilant as shit, I am aware of all that goes on around me man. I am the active listener, it is me.”

“Uh-huh, sure you are, Dave.”

“Oh whatever, what’d you want?”

“I was gonna ask if you had a Pesterchum!”

Oh. That’s it.

“I didn’t know people still used that thing. How old are you man, thirteen?”

“So you do have one?”

You sigh, and the corner of your mouth twitches upward. Just a little. “Yeah.”

“Oh good! Here.” He fishes a pen out of his pants pocket, and holds out his hand.

You tilt your head a bit.

“Your hand, dude.”

Oh. You straighten up off of the broom, and give him your right hand. He starts scribbling on your palm in blue ink, and you try not to jerk away because it tickles and hurts a little at the same time. He pulls his hands away with a little “There!” and smiles at you.

You don’t bother reading the letters on your hand before saying “Cool, I’ll message you later then.”

He nods, and grins a bit. “Cool! I have to go, because I brought some work home with me today,” he pats his messenger bag lightly.

He waves at you and Karkat enthusiastically as he leaves, calling a “Goodbye!” to each of you in turn.

Karkat wiggles his eyebrows at you, and you make sure there aren’t any customers around before flipping him off.

 

-

 

Your name is John Egbert and you think you may have just flirted with a man named Dave Strider.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the support so far! My goodness. I have no idea how this chapter got done so fast.


	3. Facepalm x2 Combo

\--  turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering  ectoBiologist [EB] at 19:15 --

TG: hey

EB: dave?

TG: the one and only dude

TG: this is john right

EB: well duh, i wrote my handle down and everything for you.

TG: wrote it he says

TG: im not sure if you can call that fucking chicken scratch writing dude

TG: by the time i got home it was faded as shit and on top of that your writing is near illegible

TG: like what are you a doctor

TG: i get enough of those scribbled out hieroglyphics when i pop by for my annual fucking checkup and i certainly dont need more than that

EB: oh my god, dave, stop talking.

TG: sorry

EB: plus, my handwriting would have been way better if you had not been moving around so much!

EB: are you ticklish or something?

TG: anyway hey

TG: figured id pop you a message before it was time for your white fence kiddie bedtime

TG: so you could add me to your chumlist or whatever

EB: that was very thoughtful of you to do, hehe.

EB: also, nice subject change, mister smooth operator.

EB: i actually was not sure if you were going to message me!

TG: what

TG: why wouldnt i message you

EB: well i was being awkward!

EB: and kind of an ass.

TG: like id expect anything less from you

TG: and so was i dude

TG: dont worry about it

EB: okay.

TG: yeah man

EB: also, i am not a very good flirter, sorry :B.

TG: what

Your name is Dave Strider and you wonder if this kid is actually trying to kill you. You cover your mouth with your hand and clamp down, daring your cheeks to get any hotter.

 

-

 

Your name is John Egbert and you didn’t mean for this to happen, really! Well, okay yes you kind of meant for this to happen. But not so awkward, oh my god! You put your palms on your cheeks and they are warm, really warm. You put your fingers under your glasses and against your eyes and slide them to your nose and outwards. This is very embarrassing! You thought Dave was Mr. Smooth, but he’s making you feel very awkward about this whole situation!

You sigh a little shakily and try this again.

EB: what do you mean, what?

TG: i mean what

TG: as in what

TG: you were flirting

EB: okay, look at this from a different perspective.

EB: here is guy and cute guy that guy thinks is cute.

EB: guy talks with cute guy for a while and guy gives cute guy a way to talk with each other more.

EB: that is flirting, right?

TG: i guess

TG: i always thought flirtings more like

TG: ooh mr strider ooh let me laugh at things that arent funny and touch your arm some more

TG: also

TG: you think im cute

Your name is John Egbert and you wonder if this man is actually trying to kill you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was VERY SHORT im sorry  
> this was mainly self-indulgent because what can i say  
> i like my johns flirty and my boys awkward  
> ((actual things will be happening soon i promise))


	4. A Day in the Life

Your name is John Egbert and you are very, very tired. You woke up to your alarm this morning and reached to turn it off, only to realize it was across the room. You sat up and felt every bone in your body snap crackle pop three times over, and your face felt sticky. You look around to realize that you had fallen asleep at your desk while talking to Dave last night. The Pesterchum window is still open, and it appears you both fell asleep at the same time. Dave was probably on his phone though, because there weren’t any embarrassing keymashings from him. (EB: bvb nm5bhjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj). You smile softly and close the window.

You get dressed and ready for work, black pants that (if you do say so yourself) make your tush look particularly ripe, and a green-borderlining-blue shirt that contrasts your eyes. After styling your hair and brushing your teeth, you polish your glasses (ew, they have face oil on the lenses from sleeping on them), and take a look at yourself. You look damn good today! Hell yeah.

You glance at the clock. Fuck, has that much time passed already? If you don’t get a move on now, you won’t have time to talk to your friends before the day gets started!

You flick some water at Casey before zipping up your black hoodie, grabbing your bag, and dashing down the hall.

-

Your name is Dave Strider and you wake up to Karkat banging around in the kitchen, probably making coffee. Your phone is uncomfortably pressing into your cheek, and has probably left a mark. You recall last night’s conversation, and you promise yourself that your face doesn’t flush. It is time to get ready for work.

You stretch your arms above your head, and swing your legs over the edge of your shitty mattress. You adjust your boxers (which you bought way too large on purpose so they could be used as pajama shorts, but because of it they twist around in your sleep), and walk out to the kitchen to notice that indeed, Karkat was making coffee. The man was a caffeine addict and you shudder to think what would happen if your coffee maker broke.

He nods to you when he notices you, but makes no moves to offer you any coffee. Not that you expect him to. You shuffle over to the fridge and pull out the jug of apple juice. You pour yourself a glass, filling it to the brim and nearly spilling it over the counter. You and Karkat stand in the kitchen, bleary-eyed and drinking your morning beverages of choice. It’s quiet until Sollux slams his door open, stomps down the hall, and aggressively starts making himself a bagel sandwich.

The downstairs neighbor starts banging on their ceiling and telling you to shut the fuck up. It is going to be a slow morning.

-

Your name is John Egbert and you’re pleasantly early for work! You even had enough time to get some Starbucks for you and your friends. You yourself got a White Peppermint Mocha, Rose got a Caramel Macchiato, and Kanaya got a Cinnamon Dolce Latte. You used to make fun of them for their overly-priced coffees, but when winter rolled around they started getting you hooked, and you’ve been returning the caffeine karma ever since.

You all sat around chatting in the office for a while, preparing for your day ahead, before the school bell rung. You are lucky that Rose works close to you, but Kanaya is a home-ec and health teacher, so she has to scurry halfway across the building to make it to her room every morning. You feel bad for Rose, it must be weird to be so close but so far from your girlfriend every day.

You and Rose are staff members at Grand high school. You are head secretary, while she does some busy work and occasionally doubles as the school counselor. You are very smug about the fact that the kids like you more than Rose. She does not seem to mind.

A couple of minutes after the bell, kids begin walking into the office for tardy passes. You chat with the kids you know and smile at the kids you don’t as you write out their passes. You refrain from making a teasing comment to Rose about how the kids did not even try to get her to sign their passes.

-

When Sollux finally stopped being a brat and went to work (you don’t blame him for throwing a fit- that good at computers and you’d be throwing a fit about tech support too), you and Karkat decided to start getting ready for work. The shop doesn’t open till eleven thirty, but Karkat needs his mental prep time and you wouldn’t be caught dead looking like you do now in public. So, Karkat shuts himself in his and Sollux’s room (how you got your own room is a mystery but you thank every deity for it), and you shut yourself in the bathroom.

You take a searing-hot shower (glad that Karkat showers at night- if he wanted to shower after you, you’d never be able to have a good shower again), change into clean clothes (white shirt, red hoodie, black jeans, pretty standard and soon to cause eyestrain against a green apron), push your hair back, and put on your shades. You’d grown out of your bro’s shade style long ago, now opting for aviators (which in your opinion are way douchier and therefore more ~~fitting~~ ironic).

It’s been an hour since you got in the bathroom. Time to wake Karkat up from whatever meditation preparation shit he does every morning. You bang on his door. “Knock knock, asshole, time for work.” He grumbles something at you and it sounds more like a frustrated sigh than a full sentence. It is ten thirty when you leave the apartment building.

-

Your name is John Egbert and you sort of wish that Dave had a job around computers or where he could use his phone so that you could sneak onto Pesterchum and send him a message.

-

Your name is Dave Strider and when you feel your phone buzz in your pocket to alert you of a message, you hope it’s from John. When you check the message during break and it isn’t, you are more than a little surprised by how disappointed that makes you.

  ****

You are helping pack up shop when six rolls around. It has been a long day. You suppose that’s what happens when you’re hungover emotionally from whatever last night was, and when you’re on all these fucking pins and needles about it today. Every time your phone buzzed you felt like you had to remind your lungs to work. It is completely and utterly ridiculous. The next time your phone buzzes and you freeze up, Jade decides to pipe up.

“Dave, this is completely and utterly ridiculous. What has got you all clammy today? It’s gross!”

“I know. And it’s… stuff.”

“Stuff?”

“Yeah.”

“I thought Striders didn’t do ‘stuff’.”

“They don’t.”

“Is that why you don’t want to talk about it?”

You pause for a minute, seriously thinking about this. She could help you. She and John get along like siblings in a 50’s sitcom. She knows things. And no way in hell are you going to ask Karkat. The dude’s smart but you aren’t gonna put up with a thousand word essay whose sources include some of the worst romantic films you’ve seen in your life. Jade would give it to you straight, at least in a way you understand.”Alright, look, Jade, I’ll message you about it later tonight. This isn’t. The. Time. Or. Place,” you whisper through clenched teeth. You punctuate each word with a head-jerk in Karkat’s general direction.

She seems to get the idea, suddenly delighted. “Ohhh! Okay, gotcha. I think I can handle lock-up from here, Dave. You and Karkat can head home now if you want!”

You nod at her appreciatively, and wave Karkat over. As you walk out the door, Jade calls out a “Be careful, boys!”

-

Your name is John Egbert and you were too flustered to stop by Bec’s today and because of that you got home much earlier than usual. Your apartment is big- too big for one person, anyway. You have your Dad to thank for that. And your Nanna. She was a well-off lady apparently, and your Dad’s been working nonstop for years, so. Needless to say coming up with money to buy your first apartment wasn’t much of a struggle. The furniture, however, you insisted on paying for yourself, and because of that you have like, maybe three things that weren’t already in the apartment. There had been two corner tables, a thirty-year-old alarm clock, and a fridge that probably came straight from the 60’s. You bought yourself a big bed before thinking twice about it, and afterward barely had money for anything else. You rummaged through seemingly endless amounts of garage sales before coming up with a desk, a few mismatched lamps, a bookcase, a couch, and a coffee table. You wish you had a TV- you have your game systems sitting in the closet gathering dust.

Nearly as soon as you sit down at your desk and turn on your computer, you hear Pesterchum pinging at you. You see red text and your heart skips a beat.

-

Your name is Dave Strider and as soon as you get home you shut yourself in your room and make every effort to avoid contact with your roommates. You flop onto your bed and pull your phone out of your pocket. Jade has pestered you already.

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 18:00 --

GG: dave!

GG: so what was that all about? :o

TG: i cant believe im telling you this

TG: but there is no way im telling karkat so

TG: fuck it whatever

TG: yknow john

GG: yes i know john!

TG: so he comes in the shop right

TG: nothin new

TG: and so we start talking

TG: karkats busy i want a distraction yknow so

TG: we start talking

TG: long story short he gives me his chumhandle

TG: and

GG: and???

TG: and

TG: turns out he was flirting with me

GG: oh???? :o

TG: yeah that was pretty much my reaction

TG: but anyway so he tells me this and well

TG: point is we flirted like awkward teenagers the week before prom

TG: laying it on real thick like yes hi i need a date and would you look at that there is date material lets go on a date youre competent picking out cummerbunds right

GG: sounds like a good time dave! :D

GG: slow down, goodness!!

GG: what is the problem?

TG: its embarrassing

TG: when does that stop

GG: i dont think it does!

TG: fuck

TG: really

TG: fuck

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 18:45 --

GG: what a baby >:B!!

-

Your name is John Egbert and you think your heart may have stopped beating. Either that or it is beating so fast that you can no longer feel individual beats, just a constant thrumming that echoes in your cheeks. This is really, really gay and really, really embarrassing.

-

Your name is Dave Strider and this is so embarrassing. You are embarrassing. You feel embarrassed. Oh my god.

-

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 19:03 --

TG: hey

TG: i missed you today

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive been working on this chapter for longer than necessary probably but yay it's longer  
> alternatively titled: dumb gay and embarrassing


	5. Land of Chatlogs and Sexuality

And then you proceeded to have maybe the gayest, fastest-escalating conversation either of you had ever had.

This included such gems as:

TG: dude no trust me your laugh is like

TG: fucking bottled up sunshine or something

EB: i like the way you walk!

EB: the way your hips sway or whatever with your chin up.

EB: it makes you look confident!

EB: and i like that i guess.

TG: whenever i look you in the eye i want to pick you up by the face and be like

TG: stop staring at me with those big ol eyes

TG: so that maybe i could see you smile

EB: i would totally take you on a date to the arcade.

TG: so whens the marriage

EB: i feel like i have known you for a really long time.

TG: same

TG: i bet your hairs like

TG: really soft or something

EB: yours too.

EB: so

TG: so

TG: are we dating

EB: are we dating?

EB: oh.

TG: oh

EB: so…

EB: i guess?

TG: cool

TG: so uh

EB: i will see you tomorrow dave.

TG: ok

TG: uh

TG: see ya

-

Your name is Dave Strider and you don’t know how this happened, especially what seems like so quickly, and if not quickly, definitely suddenly.

****  


-

Your name is John Egbert and you just scored yourself a hot date. Okay that sounded less douchey in your head. You really like Dave and now he is your boyfriend? You guess? You wonder if he is okay with calling it that yet, you will have to ask.

You came out to your Dad a long time ago, it seems. He took it very well! It was kind of hard to explain the meaning of pansexual to him but he made it very clear to you that he didn’t much care as long as you were happy and safe.  You made sure your friends knew as soon as you began thinking you might identify like that, though. They took it well! And by they you mean Rose and Vriska. And by took it well you mean Rose came out to you as a homosexual and Vriska drew you covered in pink-yellow-and-blue striped “bitches” with the caption “Yeah!!!!!!!!” She moved to New York a while ago, but you two still Skype and Pester each other. You wonder if she and Dave would get along.

-

Your name is Dave Strider and you didn’t think you were into guys. You didn’t think you were into girls either, to be fair. You didn’t think you were into people. You kind of tend to stick to yourself, working in non-social environments, making your music, whatever. It has probably been years since you’ve so much as copped a feel or approached someone good-looking. So the fact that John has kind of just waltzed in here and done whatever to you is kind of freaking you the fuck out, you are panicking, don’t panic, dammit Strider, don’t panicdon’tpanicdon’t. Panic. Don’t. Panic. Breathe.

You need a drink.

 

-

 

Your name is Karkat Vantas and Sollux does NOT appreciate when Dave starts thumping on your door at two AM. You pat Sollux on the head and ruffle his hair a couple of times until he calms down, and frustratedly throw the door open. This reveals an obviously very drunk Dave. His sunglasses are askew, barely on his face, which is red as a fucking beet by the way, he has wet stains on his t-shirt (presumably from spilled beverage), and he also looks half-hard through his heart boxers but you aren’t going to bring that up with him. Instead, you gently close the door behind you, and lead him over to the kitchen. He groggily follows.

In the kitchen, you find empty shot glasses, Lime-A-Rita cans, and one half-empty beer bottle. The beer bottle both surprises you and doesn’t. Dave hates beer so you’re surprised he had any, but you’re unsurprised he didn’t finish it. You stand behind the counter and in front of the fridge and oven, and sit Dave down in front of you. You then follow, like a little fucked-up kitchen dyad.

You ask him what’s wrong, he says boys, and you try to understand. You ask him what about boys, he says they keep happening. You tell him to keep his shitty middle-school memes out of his more serious conversations, and he tells you he feels sick.

You keep his drooped bangs out of his face while it’s buried between the edges of the toilet seat.

-

Your name is Dave Strider and when you wake up, you are wrapped in what feels like every blanket in the apartment, you have a pounding headache, your shades are off, and Karkat is sitting next to you. You can’t tell if he’s asleep or not. You remember something about Sollux yelling, memes, and then a lot of puking. You guess you woke Karkat up and he played the role of “party girl’s best friend who holds her hair back as she pukes her own weight in alcohol and glow stick mix”. You try to roll over and tell him thanks but you’re wrapped damn good in your blanket cocoon and moving also suddenly seems like a really bad idea.

-

Your name is Karkat Vantas and when you’re woken up by Dave, the first thing he says is “Thank you.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> coming soon: karkat putting up with a drunk mumbling dave
> 
> alternatively titled: you didnt think i was kidding about karkat dealing with drunk dave did you  
> alternatively titled: someone elses pov????? fucking incredible


	6. Coming Up Roses

Your name is John Egbert and the next day you find yourself hanging out with Rose and Kanaya. You usually don’t go with them on these outings, because you feel like a third wheel. You don’t want to interrupt their date time! But they are your friends and invite you anyway. It just so happened that they were going to the mall, and you need new clothes (t ~~otally not to impress Dave haha what kind of person do you take me for~~ ), so you decide that yeah, this time you’ll tag along. It helps to go shopping with friends, especially when one of those friends happen to be Kanaya Maryam. She has a knack for fashion, and has a really keen eye for what would look good on people! Rose’s feedback is also always a pleasure, she really is very funny.

Though now it has been a good hour into the trip and you have held more lingerie in your arms in that hour than most PlayBoy bunnies have owned ever, probably. You don’t like shopping with these girls anymore, you think. You may swear off boobs forever at this point. (That is a lie and an exaggeration, but still). By the time the three of you finally reach a men’s department in an actual clothing store, you are about ready to drop to your knees and thank every religious deity you can think to name. Your time has begun.

-

Your name is Dave Strider and today you, Karkat, and Sollux made a trip to Ikea. Sollux had earned so much money in the past few months that you could all finally buy a couch. For the approximate year you all had been living together, the focus had been more on entertainment and necessities quality than basic comfort. When you wanted to play games, you sat on the floor, or if one of you was feeling prissy, they sat on a pillow on the floor. No time or money for chairs or couches. But now? Oh man you have just bought this giant ass cushy ass couch and Sollux’s car is not big enough for it, it is being shipped to you, but you are all to excited about the furniture to care.

You and Karkat direct him to the mall- you both are gonna treat bee boy to lunch at the food court.

-

Your name is John Egbert and the awkward waiting around outside Victoria’s Secret was totally worth this- you’re not sure you’ve ever looked quite so stylish. You’re wearing a soft plaid button-up in blue and green that somehow doesn’t make you look like a huge nerd, and a nice pair of black jeans that look like trousers. Kanaya really does have a way with color and style, and damn, you think, looking in the mirror, dat ass though. You are going to knock Dave’s socks right off his giant fucking feet. Maybe. If he even wears socks.

Speaking of which, you should probably mention the whole Dave thing to Rose and Kanaya? You kind of forgot to do that, what with avoiding them and their stores of choice for a good amount of the trip. As you change back into your normal clothes, you think of what to say. When you walk out of the dressing room, the ladies look at you expectantly. Not normal expectantly, they are trying to look casual about it, but you know enough about these ladies and their silly horseshit to know what they mean. You nod and smile, and motion to the cash register, and they perk up ever-so-slightly.

As the cashier rings up your items, Rose says something about you needing a haircut, and you ruffle it defensively. Hey, you like it long! You think it makes you look rugged and handsome. Okay, maybe it is a little long, but dammit, Rose, this is your pride at stake! So you stubbornly abstain from beginning the trek across the mall to the stylist.

You re-gather your thoughts and take a deep breath to steady yourself. As good a time as any to tell them, you guess.

-

Your name is Dave Strider and fuck, Karkat’s trying to pry what last night’s hullabaloo was about. _Hullabaloo._ Fuck, he really must be worried if the only word he can think of with his massive vocab is _hullabaloo_. You tell him not to worry about it and he tells you to shut the fuck up and by shut the fuck up he means start talking dammit. You sigh. You guess you’d need to tell them about John at some point, as embarrassed as you are. You take a deep breath.

-

Your name is John Egbert and you are ready. “I have a boyfriend,” you blurt hurriedly. They look at you with raised eyebrows and otherwise curious expressions on their faces. Rose speaks up first.

“Oh? That’s wonderful, John. When did this happen?”

“Well, I guess it’s been happening? For a while? I don’t know but I guess I decided I was done being slow a couple of days ago.”

Kanaya steps in. “Tell us all about him.”

“Oh, okay! Well, he’s kind of an asshole, but not much worse than me, really. He likes to wear shades inside like a douche and, um, he’s really funny! Like, really funny. He talks a lot though. Not as much as you, Rose, but like he babbles and rambles and talks in long metaphors. He’s handsome. Or cute. Or, whatever. Good-looking, nice cheekbones. Uhh, I dunno, what else? He likes music.”

Rose smiles softly. “He sounds great, John. Kind of familiar, actually, but I can’t say I know why.”

Kanaya tilts her head to the side. “Will we be able to meet him?”

You grin. “Uh, yeah! You guys are like my best friends. Maybe he and I should have, like, an actual date before we set up a ‘meet my friends’ day, though?”

They ask you some more little questions about Dave, and you answer all that you can. The three of you begin walking to the food court, and you announce that you’re buying.

-

Your name is Dave Strider and here goes. “Well, boys, I got myself a fine piece of man meat last night.”

Karkat looks at you, face all distorted with disturbance. “Wow, okay. Wow. I did NOT want to know about your sexual fucking escapades, Strider, fuck.”

“Nah, no sexual escapades. Yet. No dude, I mean I got a boyfriend.”

Sollux raises an eyebrow. “What, you? Is he a fucking neckbeard or what?”

“Oh fuck off. No, Karkat even knows him, he’ll attest for me. Right dude?”

Karkat eyes you. “Depends on who we’re even fucking talking about.”

“John.”

Karkat’s eyes go wide at that. “Fuck, really? Damn. Yeah Sollux he’s a decent guy, for an asshole. Fuck, Dave, really? John?”

“You sound surprised. What, amazed that I can score myself a decent man or what?”

“Well, yeah. That, and I thought he was just obnoxiously trying to be your ‘palhoncho’ as he does with me.”

“Nah.”

“Oh.”

And then you keep eating. You all kind of overestimated your appetites and have way more food than you need, but whatever. It’s quiet for a bit (miraculously) until you spot someone familiar by the Chinese place to your left.

-

Your name is John Egbert and is that… “Dave??”

He’s already making his way over to you when you wave him over. “Hey.”

“Wow, hey! What a coincidence, I was just talking about you, too!”

He raises an eyebrow at that, not that you can see it past his shades. “Me too, actually.”

“To those guys over there you mean? And, hey, is that Karkat? Hi Karkat!” You smile and wave at said friend, who rolls his eyes and lifts his hand at you in return.

“Yeah, we’re roommates. The other guy’s Sollux, who is also my roommate.”

“Neat! I’m here with my friends, too, Rose and Kanaya. Maybe we should all sit together! Or is today, like, special roommate bro hanging out day?”

“Nah, you guys can hang. I actually used to know a Rose, she moved in 7th grade though. She was one sassy motherfucker.”

“So’s my Rose! Except she’s more… Sarcastic? I guess sarcasm can still be sassy though. Anyway, I’ll go get them and we’ll join you!”

“Cool.”

-

Your name is Dave Strider and you like these ladies. Kanaya is stylish as fuck and throws so much shade you almost can’t see with your shades on anymore. Rose is really damn familiar and John was right, she’s sarcastic as hell. Kanaya seems to get on with Karkat really well, which surprises you a bit. Karkat’s pretty cool around you because you’ve known each other since freshman year of high school. He’s known Sollux for longer, but they never officially met until college rolled around. But Kanaya seems to calm Karkat down almost, which is a miracle in and of itself. Sollux seems to like to tease Rose, which is something you have in common.

John seems kind of nervous, trying to gauge everyone’s reactions at once. You guess you’d be nervous too, if John hadn’t met Karkat before. You nudge him with your leg under the table in a way that you hope is reassuring. He nudges you back, so you guess he’s okay.

At some point while Rose is talking to Karkat, she mentions having moved here when she was young, and you ask where she moved from. Texas, she says. Funny, you say, I lived in Texas until I went to college. Ah, she says, I moved in the seventh grade.

That is when she seems to put the pieces together. You think you’re catching up, too.

“Holy fuck,” Rose almost yells. She stands abruptly. “Dave? Dave Strider?” You nod slowly. “Rose,” she says. “Rose Lalonde?” Your eyes widen until you realize she can’t see that underneath your shades.

“Holy shit, Rose.” You crack a smile, standing. “Holy shit! It’s been ages, fuck.”

You two fist bump and it is a connection remade, and you both sit back down.

Everyone is looking at you with a look of ‘what the fuck just happened’. You turn to John. “John. John remember how just a bit ago I told you about a Rose I knew?”

“Um, yes?”

“Dude it’s the same Rose!”

“Oh! Ohhh!! Oh Dave this is so exciting!”

“No shit.”

 

-

**  
**Your name is Rose Lalonde and your best friend’s boyfriend is your ex-best friend and first schoolgirl crush. Things are coming up Roses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so as you may have noticed i put some chapters together because they fit together and it looked not right to me to post them as i was  
> i made like a thing abt it but realized that was dumb and should stick to notes  
> but here!!   
> longest chapter so far im fairly sure!!!  
> phew


	7. So You Wanna Go on a Date?

Your name is Dave Strider and you can’t think of the words to write. You’ve been sitting here for the past, what, half hour? A new record, damn. You’ve been sitting here for the past half hour trying to come up with the words to woo John Egbert. Lucky for you, you’ve done most of the wooing already. You know if you just called him up, right now, and asked him on a date to the movies or whatever, he’d jump right the fuck on it. But that is not how you roll and as such, you need John to be wooed one-hundred percent before advancing.

Normally when you write, things come to you a lot easier than they do when talking. This may be part of the reason that more shit for you goes down online than in person. You have an easier time with writing. Lets you think things through, lets things flow. Usually, you’d sit down for a few minutes, find your inspiration, write for an hour, and be done. But for whatever goddamn reason, you just can’t get these lyrics flowing. You’re even starting to consider singing a bit somewhere in there, just to take up space so you won’t need to write as many rhymes.

Does Egbert even like raps? You’re pretty sure he doesn’t. You don’t think he’s the type. If you wrote one he’d probably just call you a nerd anyway. What can you say, kid has no idea what ‘cool’ even is. That poor schmuck.

And then it hits you.

You toss your notebook and pen, and swing your legs off your bed. The movement tosses wads of crumpled paper everywhere. You don’t care.

You grin as you pull out your soundboard.

-

Your name is John Egbert and you are more than a little surprised when Dave sends you the link. You are skeptical. He never shares his art or music with you, unless it’s to explain a joke or something. But this was unsolicited. He’d just said “ could you let me know what you think about this” and sent you a SoundCloud link. Your curiosity and wariness are at war. But, you should trust Dave, and this may just be him opening up to you a little! Maybe he just really wants the feedback.

You click the link. You press play. Your jaw drops.

-

Your name is Dave Strider and you aren’t the best at naming songs. Like, yeah, okay, ‘To John’ definitely is not the most original name for a track but, hey, it gets the job done, right? You’re pretty proud of this one. The layers piece together really well, with a thrumming bass and tinkling percussion and it goes 8-bit in all the right places. You just hope it’s done its job.

-

EB: dave this is amazing!

EB: like, really!

EB: did you,

EB: did you actually make this?

TG: of course i made it

TG: whatd you think i looked up some song with your name in the title like a poser

TG: im not a poser john

TG: besides even if i had done that i wouldve been way more creative

TG: can you say tswizzle

TG: dear john all up in this shit

EB: could you sit the fuck down and be sincere for like two minutes?

TG: sorry

TG: yeah i made it

TG: as a sort of segue into my asking you out

TG: which is now

TG: a thing im doing

EB: you could have just asked me!  
EB: no need to go to such lengths, geez.

TG: bullshit

TG: you like being romanced and you know it

EB: yeah, well,

EB: whatever!

EB: so you want to go on a date?

TG: well

TG: duh

EB: so... yeah! of course i will go on a date with you.

EB: since we are dating and all it was probably bound to happen.

TG: and who but i is more suitable to make the first move

TG: truly it is such a burden

TG: wearing all these pants in this relationship

EB: dude, fuck off.

TG: why cant i wear a skirt every now and then john

TG: why

TG: i just want to feel the breeze

EB: ok bye.

TG: wait

TG: whens the date

EB: like i know!

EB: you asked me remember?

TG: oh yeah

TG: ok how does like

TG: tomorrow sound

TG: like around 4 or something

TG: idk ill text you about it

TG: we can see a movie or go to dinner or

TG: something

EB: sounds fun!

EB: but seriously, bye.

EB: i have to go help rose plant some flowers.

\--  ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 15:24 --

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh i am so sorry about the long wait for this one!!  
> school and other various things have taken up most of my free time recently  
> i will try to be updating more frequently!  
> EDIT: the song dave writes is probably very similar to 'a slow waltz' by lullatone, and you can listen to it [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvs0VqWGbO4)


	8. Break it Down Slowly and Roll With the Pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (title from [here](http://youtu.be/gDrhewElq9Q))

Your name is John Egbert and when you get home you are covered in dirt and sweat. When Rose had asked you for help planting, you had no clue she’d meant that 1, you’d be doing all the planting and 2, that she had like, 50 of these things? Geez, Rose, didn’t know you liked gardening so much! You didn’t tease her too much though, and she and Kanaya made you lemonade and everything.

You are very, very excited about your and Dave’s date tomorrow. Maybe it’s because you were brought up with girls as friends or maybe it’s because your Dad always taught you to be prepared, but you find yourself getting ready for the day ahead as soon as you get home. You draw yourself a bath, sitting and stewing until the water cools enough to be uncomfortable. (You shower right after to make sure you actually get clean- can’t go on a date with dirty hair or B.O! Ew.) You set out an outfit (the one you just bought- you thank whatever higher-power-that-might-be for small blessings, especially since you haven’t even worn it yet. You have to put these things through the wash before you wear them!) You sit down with a glass of tea, and even try reading one of the Psych books Rose loaned you a long time ago. (You get bored and confused pretty quickly- you’re sure it’s a great book to people like Rose.) In the end, you find yourself settled under crisp sheets, watching science documentaries on Netflix.

You fall asleep with a smile on your face as you listen to someone explaining spatial expansion to you.

-

Your name is Dave Strider and you have no idea where that came from and are in utter disbelief at how well you manage to bullshit your way through everything. But hey, you got yourself a date tomorrow, so there’s that.

Fuck, you have a date tomorrow.

A date.

A fucking- shit. A date.

You haven’t had a date since fucking middle school probably. High school was an awkward time in puberty for you- growth spurts all stretched out so you looked misproportioned, braces, too-big clothes, probably cute by today’s standards (indie’s in now), but “I have a sword” wasn’t a good pick-up line on anyone in your day. And fuck if Bro helped, he’s a good guy but probably worse off with guys than you are.

College wasn’t much better, but at least there was some level of action. You’d grown into your height, years of swordplay showing itself in toned arms that you finally let show with better-fitting clothes, a night-only retainer, you’d finally found a way to make yourself look good. And as someone going through an art program, it was not hard to find men of your persuasion. They were all really hook-ups, but hey, some is better than none and experience is probably gonna pay off someday.

You bolt to the living room, knowing you’ll find Karkat watching a movie on the new couch. You make kind of a ruckus when you approach you guess, because he looks up at you as soon as you enter the room. He looks kind of frustrated but gives you a questioning look anyway.

“I need your help.”

“Wow, fucking shock, the Dave motherfucking Strider asking for help from me, a lowly slave confined to the shared quarters in the back of the Strider estate? Clearly you own the place, right? Because I mean, why else would you run with the steps of a fucking elephant and bother not only the downstairs neighbors but anyone who may be knuckle-deep in a cinematic masterpiece starring the beautiful miss Sandra Bullock, right? Right?”

“Shut up, I have a date tomorrow.”

“Oh. On it”

 

-

Your name is John Egbert and you aren’t awake to see it, but Dave sends you a selfie wherein his face is covered in chocolate facial.

-

Your name is Dave Strider and when this gunk is off, fuck, your skin is smooth as a fucking baby’s ass. You tell Karkat as much.

“Dude, I fucking know. How else did you think I keep up this complexion? I usually use the avocado stuff, but hey, I figured tonight would be as good a night as any to break out the good stuff.”

“So what now? We talk about what I’m gonna wear? Wax poetic about the particular shade of blue of Egbert’s eyes? (It’s ultramarine by the way, I looked it up.) Tell me man.”

“Well,”

“Actually, let’s maybe break out a few Mike’s and watch Gossip Girl and take a drink every time we hear ‘xoxo’.”

“I’m not bathing you in the morning.”

“Will you help me pick out my outfit?”

“Deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which i put off the first date even further and indulge myself with more cape bros


	9. On My Way

Your name is John Egbert, and when you wake up, you feel soft, a little drool-sticky, and pleasantly well-rested. You turn your head to check the alarm clock on your nightstand; it is about 11 o’clock in the morning. You smile softly, and uncurl yourself from your tangle of blankets, careful not to knock over your laptop.

As you stand from your bed, you stretch your arms high above your head, feeling your back pop. You do a quick mental walkthrough of what needs to get done before Dave gets here. Let’s see… You’ve already showered and laid out an outfit, so you’re fine there. Dave probably won’t be seeing much of your place today, but even if he were you’re fairly tidy anyway, so that’s all well and good. Looks like today will be a lazy day, then!

You walk into the kitchen, scratching your side absentmindedly. You reach for a bowl from the cupboard, and grab a box of cereal without paying attention to which kind.

You sit down with a bowl of Frosted Flakes lacking milk, and flick on your TV. Time to kill a few hours.

-

Your name is Dave Strider and you wake in a haze of tangy breath and sticky hair. You smack your tongue a few times, feeling dry-mouthed and heavy. You sit yourself up sluggishly, your torso dragging your limbs behind it, your head jerking around tiredly. You squeeze your eyes a few times, blearily willing your body and mind to wake up fully.

The first thing you notice is that you’re on the couch. There are at various Straw-Ber-Rita cans and Mike’s bottles crushed under you, and it’s starting to get uncomfortable. You swing your legs off the side, and stand. The second thing you notice is that Karkat must have been on the couch with you and fallen off at some point during the night, because you do not stay standing long. He yowls and jerks to the side when you put all your weight on him and you crash backward onto the couch, hitting your head and hip. Well shit, that’ll probably bruise.

Luckily for you, Karkat seems to be feeling last night’s drinking game about as much as you are, because he doesn’t do much after that other than curse at you, voice rasping with sleep.

You try getting up again, this time being more mindful of the person sleeping below you. You glance at the clock over the oven and almost shit yourself right there. “ _Shit!_ Karkat, _fuck_!” He looks up at you then, seeming ready to draw blood with his overgrown fingernails.

“Fuck, _what_?”

“ _Dude_ , it’s _three o’clock_!”

-

Your name is John Egbert and you’ve just finished lunch. You’ve successfully completed every DVR recording you had saved up, taken out the trash, and changed your sheets. None of these things really needed to be done, but you would be pretty bored if you hadn’t done them.

You consider texting Dave, but you’re sure that might come off as a little clingy or something, seeing as you’ll be seeing him in a couple of hours. You sigh as you pull out your laptop. You needed to pick out a movie anyway. No way were you letting Dave choose- he’d probably pick something dumb anyway.

As Fandango loads, you find yourself wondering what kinds of movies Dave likes.

-

Your name is Dave Strider and you’re not sure you’ve ever taken such a rushed fucking shower in your life. You are a _Strider_ and like all Striders you treasure your shower time. You cradle that shit in your arms, you claim it as your own, you raise that shit for thirteen years at least. You do not take short showers. But today, considering you still needed to pick a place to eat and select an outfit, your shower was miraculously under a half hour. Probably only ten minutes. Your sure Bro would be appalled. You sure as hell are.

As soon as you’ve finished blow-drying and styling your hair, you open the door call out to Karkat, who was probably watching some shitty soap as he tends to always be doing. Fucking nerd.

Karkat stands in front of your bedroom door, which is directly across from the bathroom, and motions for you to follow him inside. Once you’ve situated yourself on the edge of your bed and he in front of your closet and dresser, he asks you what kind of date this is, anyway.

“Dinner and a movie.”

“Wow, how fucking original. Okay, whatever, I can work with that. So, semi-casual then? Or are we going total casual? Knowing you, you’d go in a t-shirt if you could. Which you won’t, no fucking way. Do you have any, like, decent shirts?” He starts rummaging through your drawers.

“First of all, fuck you, t-shirts are all-occasion apparel.” He scoffs. “Second of all, yeah, I should have some nicer shirts. In the closet.”

He flips through your hangers for a while, pulling out a few, putting some back. Eventually, he decides on a simple red sweater.

“Really, Karkat? That old thing? If you wanted me to dress nice, shouldn’t I be wearing, like, slacks or something?”

“Look, Strider, it’s a dinner-movie date. The dinner, knowing the both of you and your financial situations, won’t be anything too fancy. No need to dress up if you’re getting something from anywhere that does takeout orders. The movie implies that you’re comfortable being next to someone for an hour or so, but there’s not much socializing going on there. Trust me, simple but clean is what you’re going for here.”

“...Christ, when did you become a fashion guru?”

“An old friend of mine rubbed off on me. Fuck, just put this on. Wear it with black skinnies. Wear some nicer shoes than usual, though.”

You look at him, confused, but start changing pretty quickly. Besides, you’ve been sitting here in a damp towel this whole time and that suddenly is feeling very uncomfortable.

-

Your name is John Egbert and you’ve changed into your clothes, tried styling your hair as well as you could, and brushed your teeth. It is now 3:45, and you’re getting anxious. You really hope this date goes well.

-

Your name is Dave Strider and you’ve just chosen the restaurant you’re taking John to. Karkat was right- it’s not like you can afford anything fancy. You’ve decided to take him to a nice local Chinese place. It’s your personal favorite, and you’re a regular patron. The lady who works the front desk recognizes you every time you come in. You’re sure she’d be offended if you _hadn’t_ chosen her place.

It’s 3:45 as you head out the door. You’re pretty sure Egbert lives pretty close to here, but you punch in his address onto your phone’s GPS anyway.

-

Your name is John Egbert and you are at first very worried but then very excited when you hear a ping from your open laptop.

\--turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 15:46--

TG: omw

\--turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 15:46--

-

Your name is Dave Strider, and when you arrive at John’s apartment, you’re pretty much hyperventilating because you are unabashedly very, very nervous. Which is new, and undoubtedly a little exciting for you, but mainly makes you more nervous.

You knock. Once, twice, thrice, oh that’s a nice- oh. “Hey, Egbert, you threw off my groove. I was about to go hard.”

-

Your name is John Egbert, and so begins the first date you’ve had in years.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoo where did that month go, amirite?  
> Oh gosh, I am so sorry about the wait for this one. Can you say "woah the tenth chapter is going to be a big first date chapter since the story's reached ten chapters and over 1k hits?!" Because I sure can!  
> Seriously, thank you guys so much.


	10. Miracle on 6th Street

Your name is Dave Strider and John actually might give you a heart attack. Your heart is probably beating 300 miles per hour and you’re fighting the urge to clutch at your chest. He’s so cute it might actually kill you. You’ll be walking to the restaurant, and he’ll like, fluff his hair or something, and you’ll start having heart palpitations and fall onto this sidewalk, and die right there. Your soul will ascend from your body and as you leave the physical plane of being, your ghostly hands will grab John’s face and _kiss him right on the fucking mouth_.

Look, there he goes fluffing his hair. And is that shirt _new_? Well, don’t you feel like an asshole. And dat ass, tho. This has to be a new outfit. (Not like you’re gonna ask him but forreal homie he looks like he’s ready to launch a thousand ships fucking Helen of Troy up in here.)

Oh fuck, is he talking to you? He’s talking to you, fucking listen up, dickwad. **  
**

-

Your name is John Egbert and wow, you are on a date. That is a thing that is happening. Like, with someone actually cute? Wow. And _he’s_ taking _you_ somewhere! You’re so used to being the ‘in-control-gentleman’, this is actually a really nice change of pace! You wonder where you’re going. “Hey, Dave, where are we going?”

He takes a minute to respond, kind of like he’s lost in thought.

“Dave have you even decided on the place we’re eating?” He had explained to you that you’d be getting dinner first, which was fine by you since you’d had barely anything to eat after that cereal this morning.

That seems to snap him back. “What? Oh, yeah dude, don’t worry about it. And uh, let’s say it’s a surprise.” He grins a little, turning to you slightly, “Don’t worry though, it’s a good place.”

That satiates your curiosity for now, you suppose.

-

Your name is Dave Strider and when you finally reach the place, the lady who works there sees the two of you approaching through the window. She visibly perks up, and her five-foot frame hurries to open the door to greet you.

You smile at her, and then at John’s confused face. You allow John to enter before you, and she begins circling him, appraising him. He looks to you for a rescue or explanation, or both, but you offer him neither. Eventually she reaches his behind, and as she does, she looks up at you and grins widely, gesturing obscenely with some thrusting motions.

“I know,” you say, smile broadening. John turns around to see what she’s doing but by the time he looks, she’s already done with him. Instead, she approaches you, offering a hug. You oblige happily, though you’re so much taller than her that you practically engulf her. “Hey Damara, good to see you man.”

“LIKEWISE,” she says. She hasn’t quite gotten the hang of the idea of not needing to yell in English, but her vocabulary’s pretty good. She, her mother and her sister came over from Japan a long time ago. Aradia, her sister, learned English just fine- she was young enough when they arrived that she learned both languages at once, and she has no accent. She was actually the hostess before Damara was, but a couple of years back she went on some big excavation adventure or some shit. Damara’s been switching between cooking, waiting, and hosting ever since. Damara and Mama Megido aren’t quite as good at English as Aradia, though. They were each old enough that becoming fluent was a bit of a struggle. Damara’s more skilled with new words, and Mama is more skilled with tone and inflection.

Once, you asked Damara why a Japanese family ran a Chinese restaurant, and she replied with “SAME REASON. FOR MCDONALD’S IN OTHER COUNTRY. MAKE MONEY.”

When pleasantries are finally out of the way, you and John are seated. Damara hands the two of you your menus, pours you both some tea, and saunters off.

****

-

****

Your name is John Egbert and “What the hell was that all about?”

Dave smiles at you, and finally provides an explanation. “That’s Damara. Don’t worry about it, she’s just like that. I come here a lot.”

You snicker at that. “Really? I couldn’t tell.” You turn to your menu, and Dave just watches. It seems he already knows what he’s getting.

Dave has been throwing you off a lot tonight. He looks nice, like he actually dressed up, which is new and kind of shocking. And he keeps smiling. Like, he looks so happy and comfortable. He just looks so… _open_. And that excites you. You’re not sure you’ve ever been so elated to see someone smile so much.

After a few minutes, Damara returns to take your order. Dave doesn’t need to say anything, just offer a silent nod. When she turns to you, you order some barbeque pork and a salad with dried chow mein. She and Dave share a look before she walks to the kitchen- you think she might have winked at him.

 

-

****

Your name is Dave Strider and when your meals arrive, your stomach growls. John chuckles at you as he takes his plates and thanks Damara. “Wow dude, hungry much?”

You look up at him, your mouth full of sesame chicken and steamed rice. “Mno, fhere’d jou g’t th’t idea?” He has to hold his mouth to keep himself from laughing too hard. One point to Strider.

When John looks down at his salad, he breaks. His chow mein noodles, upon closer inspection, have been positioned into a crude (but definitely intentional) dick, with a little heart next to it. He’s laughing so hard that you’re suddenly appreciative of the lack of other patrons. Also, holy _fuck_ is he cute when he laughs. Jesus Christ, he is actually going to kill you. Thanks, Damara.

When he finally composes himself, tears pricking his eyes, he starts eating.

As you take a drink of your tea, you notice that John has really pretty hands. **  
**

-

Your name is John Egbert and Dave eats like a pig. In a good way, though. Like, as someone who usually acts so sharp, you would’ve expected him to be a bird-eater. Or maybe that really is the case, and he just really likes the food here? Either way, he is absolutely _wolfing_ down his chicken. He’s not even stopped to dip it in sauce once. Or maybe he just doesn’t like sauce.

Dave’s plate looks a lot bigger than yours, and it takes you much less time to finish, despite his eating at a hundred miles an hour.

When he does finish, you smile at him, and he laughs. “Hey, what’s so funny?” He gestures to his teeth and makes a scratching motion. You poke at your front teeth with your tongue and- oh. Salad. You tint pink slightly and tell him to “shut up and go pay the bill, Dave,” and he does. When his back is turned, you discreetly pick between your teeth with your fingernail. **  
**

-

Your name is Dave Strider and when the bill is paid, you call John over and make to leave. Just before you do, however, Damara pulls you into a big hug, and slips something into your back pocket with a crinkling sound. “FOR LATER,” she whispers loudly. You pull it out as soon as you’re out the door. The condom wrapper shines in the evening sun.

“‘ _For her pleasure_ ’,” John reads. “Classy.”

“I feel a little bad throwing it away. Aren’t these like, way fucking expensive?”

“Probably.”

You almost consider keeping it before inevitably tossing the thing into a trash bin.

The walk to the theater is thankfully short. When the two of you reach the box office, John reaches for his wallet. Oh _hell_ no. “It’s called a date, asshole, that means I pay.”

“I’m just being polite! C’mon, let me pay!”

You end up pushing and shoving each other for a good five minutes before you comment that you’re “holding up the fucking line, you overgrown poliwog,” and he relents. You have to hold him at bay while you hand the lady behind the counter your cash.

When John finishes mumbling and grumbling at you, and you finish grinning like a smug asshole, he says something to you about how the lady looked like someone he knew once.

You look at him, and jerk your head in the direction the snack bar. “Want anything?” He thinks for a second, humming lightly.

“Yes. But! You have to let me pay for it.”

You narrow your eyes at him before realizing he probably can’t see behind your shades. “...Fine, yeah, whatever.”

-

****

Your name is John Egbert and you end up spending, like, thirty dollars on snacks. Given, that doesn’t mean as much with today’s absurd theater prices, but still. You grin smugly at Dave as you precariously balance the tower of snack overkill. He asks if that was all really necessary and you inform him that yes, indeed it was.

The both of you enter the theater and find your seats in the middle of the back row. “The best seats in the house,” you tell him. He seems a little upset that someone’s sitting in front of him, preventing him from putting his feet on the back of their chair. “Do you want to switch places?”

“No,” he mumbles. “It’s fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, It’s whatever. Plus, I don’t think you’d be able to see over this guy. They’re at least half a foot taller than you, man.”

“Whatever! I was just trying to be nice.”

Dave doesn’t have time to reply, however, because the previews come to a close, and the opening sequence begins.

****

-

****

Your name is Dave Strider and you can’t believe you are doing this. Your hand is laying on the armrest, palm up, and this is the most stereotypical thing you could do on a movie date. Right next to faking a yawn and putting your arm around his shoulders. (To be honest, you might have done that if you weren’t trying to be subtle.) You are really trying to pay attention to the movie, but that’s a little hard when you’re also trying to will the person next to you to hold your hand.

****

-

****

Your name is John Egbert and you _know_ Dave is trying to hold your hand. You can see his pale palm out of the corner of your eye. But like, what if your palm gets sweaty? What if he holds hands weird? What if he thinks you hold hands weird? Shit. Dammit, you missed a part. Focus, Egbert, focus! You’ve had more distracting things happen during a good movie. It’s just a simple question; To hold hands or not to hold hands, right?

 

-

****

Your name is Dave Strider and you can’t help but smile like an idiot when you feel fingers slip between yours. His fingers are cold, but his palm is warm. You will yourself not to start sweating because this feels really, really nice. Wow.

****

-

****

The both of you hold hands for the rest of the movie.

****

-

****

Your name is John Egbert and Dave is walking you home. That makes you a little mad, because _you_ had wanted to walk _him_ home. But he refused, saying things like “I said I was going to romance you so god damn I’m gonna do it right,” and making quips like “I know I said I wanted to wear a skirt but give me this.”

Somewhere along the way, your hand finds his again.

 

-

Your name is Dave Strider and you’re a little sad when you reach John’s place. He lives in an apartment complex, too, but his is way nicer than yours. You wonder how much money this kid actually makes? Shit man.

Before you know it, you’re watching him approach his door, looking almost as wary about leaving as you are. He pulls his key out of his jeans’ pocket, and your mouth works before your mind does. “John!”

Shit, that was loud. Too loud, you think, before he turns toward you. “What?” he asks, and it’s dark in the hallway and there’s a window somewhere nearby and the evening light is fucking _shining_ on his hair, it’s _dancing_ and for the second time that night, your body moves before the rest of your body can catch up.

 

-

****

Your name is John Egbert and it was small, so small, so _soft_ , but you know you’ve just been kissed on the mouth.

****

-

****

Your name is Dave Strider and when you realize what you’ve done, you raise two fingers to your forehead, and bid John farewell with a cheeky salute.

As you run away you lick your lips, and note that John tastes like Skittles.

 

-

****

Your name is John Egbert and when you come to your senses, you think Dave must have been gone for five minutes now, at the very least.

Your hand shakes as you unlock the door.

****

-

****

You both toss and turn in bed that night, before finally falling ass-backwards into one of the ~~best~~ worst night’s sleep either of you have ever had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10 chapters, 59 pages, 100 kudos, 13k+ hits, and 12k+ words later......  
> seriously i cant thank you enough for the support so far, it means the world  
> also, consider this a thanksgiving present!! ive worked really hard on this chapter haha <3


End file.
